Sometimes my heart beats with sadness. It screams and wails, and I don’t always understand why. “What’s been laid before us,” I call out. “Grandmother, show me your ways, so that I can begin to understand our history, and what creates these thoughts and feelings.” It’s hard to hear through the blockages in my heart, where all the failure started to build up.
Rock ‘n Roll cleanses my soul. Riding upon the cool northwestern breeze. It catches upon my beating heart. I am lulled to submission. “It is time to forgive yourself. Please.” In my core I find flaws, I conjure them, and call them to the surface. The world feels cold and confused, a place of disconnection. I dig my toes into the freezing sand. Numbing my soles, my mind lets go. I am Mother Nature.
I call to her, “Release the places cemented with fear. Fill them with love. Vibrate them awake. Follow the wave of your individual intuition. Pause to let your breath wash you away.”
The sky is oh so beautiful blue. It’s air shivers my deep tissues. “This is a meditation of love. This is a meditation of love.” I exhale releasing the ball of pain in my heart, the crow carries it to the grave.
The wind tickles every cell alive. I feel them vibrating as a monarch drops in to say hi. This beauty, the way the monarch dips down upon a breeze proves fear will not rule the earth. For creation rests in the hands of love. The monarch tickles my heart. Reminding me why I’m dedicated to art. The exhale rushes over the brain cells, erasing the pathways; back into the soil, the dead energy rolls to break down, neutralize, and fertilize new growth.
This time I fill the heart like a balloon. It expands in all directions filling with love, a chamber of healing, expanding through the stomach, the gut, winding down through the intestines, the groin, the seat, the hips, releasing the upper thighs, the burning throat, the ankles, the bones in the feet. We are strong and soft. A sweet and subtle balance. Relaxation begins to clarify the noise, like the ocean, like sunshine, like love, like dancing with the moon, like learning to breath again, like riding the wild wind.
Time expands maturity, the truth churns through the spine. Light begins to break through, like beams in a tropical canopy. I see the way I twist myself so tightly, like a washcloth. I think I’m twisting out the pain, but am I twisting it from escaping? We come together because we know the earth can change. We look back and we see how far we’ve come. Grandmother’s struggles have become our triumphs. We will always rise far above the limits of glass ceilings–shattering them into glittering showers, rolling thunder, and electrical patterns shooting like cracks through the sky.
Blessed with life, the clarity of the Milky Way reveals itself. I step away from the cycle, I will not pollute the stream of consciousness. Drawing myself back through the roses. Breathing with their essences. The breath leads, like the path of the journey, I constantly find myself in a dance of expansion and release.
Goddess is rising. She is within me. The sunrise of dreams. The abundance of green. The rainbows dancing on my eyelashes. I draw the ankles in a circle, an expression of relief. My feet buzz with a complete nervous resetting. I’m called to uncross my knees. The wrists, the hips, the jaw all release at once. The shoulders float like angel wings. The spine aligns. Love expands in all directions. It’s rippling from my core.
I tap the balls of my feet. Expanding long through center. Love illuminates all in compassion. I witness it transitioning all the waste into space. My wings flutter, expanding like a force, my aura. The electromagnetic field of my heart intercepts the universe and transmits my intentions. I wonder where all this energy goes, as I rest in awe of the invisible.
***
Originally published in Juste Milieu Issue 2
Lilac Laced Love 